he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
