you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
