I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
