He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
