Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
