While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
