i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
