I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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