Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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