i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
