I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
