The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
