Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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