i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
