I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
