just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
