im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
