A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
