well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
