You really coming over, don't trick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
