I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
