under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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