I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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