What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
