so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
