He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you never un-have a 4some
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
