Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
