he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
