if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
