well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
