Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
