my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
