I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
