I think I won the penis lottery.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
