My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
