Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
