Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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