why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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