Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
