Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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