didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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