I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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