dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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