no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
