It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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