6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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