he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A bitchslap is in order.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
