You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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