i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
