some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How external is "for external use only"?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
