Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
