I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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